


i hear he looks a lot like me

by dancebreaknervous



Category: P!ATD - Fandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Songfic, The Split, break-ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 21:47:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8261452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancebreaknervous/pseuds/dancebreaknervous
Summary: well i got myself a new girlshe looks like you at twenty threeand when she sleeps i trace the placeswhere your tattoos used to be





	

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to "The Only You" by Cory Branan while reading.

_i hear you got another boy_  
i hear he looks a lot like me  
and this one comes with some kind of guarantee 

Brendon had stared at the Young Veins photoshoot for about ten seconds before figuring out that Ryan must be so _fucking_ happy. Happier than Brendon had made him. Happier than he could be with Brendon around. Ryan must have really fucking hated him to do this. Spencer shifted next to him. “Dude, we talked about this. It's not a smart idea to look at that shit, okay?” Brendon huffed and closed the computer, rolling around. He swatted the drummer’s hand off his shoulder, ignoring Dallon’s soft questioning, and practically growling when Ian offered to get him some food.

_well i got me another girl and she looks like you at twenty-three_  
  
Sarah smiled at him, all bright white teeth and small curves. He took a breath and tried a smile back. Her lips taste too sweet, unlike Ryan’s chapped ones that tasted like cigarettes and booze and safety. Her arms were dainty and comforting, but they were unlike Ryan’s strong ones that made him feel better then he thought he could when his parents told him it was time to find a new place.

Her hands were smooth, unlike Ryan’s calloused ones, but whiskey still burned the same on Brendon’s throat. Guitar strings still had the same roughness under his fingers. The sheets of his bunk were the same, if a little colder, and the moments in which Ryan invaded his dreams that much more bittersweet.

_and while she sleeps i trace the places  
where your tattoos used to be _

Sarah’s wrists were pretty and  
plain. Ryan’s face had scrunched up and he'd cried when he got those tattoos, but Brendon had kissed over his cheeks and brushed the hair away from his forehead.

Ryan had smiled when he came up with the idea for the ink, and Brendon had scoffed, telling him he would regret it. Ryan had just smiled at him, a rare and infectious thing. Jon had laughed behind them, and Spencer started coughing. Smoke rose in small disrupted tentacles towards the ceiling and Jon wrapped an arm around the other man.

_we don't got to lie_  
have you ever known  
us to take the night  
lying down alone 

When Brendon wanted to tell people about their relationship, Ryan had practically thrown a fit, screaming and throwing things, before smashing his lips onto Brendon’s. By the end of the night Brendon was crying into Ryan’s shoulder as Ryan stared at the ceiling. It looked like fireworks, and the paper on his tongue made the words come to him but they wouldn't stay, wouldn't move the pencil that had been in his hand earlier.

_now i don't want pry_  
was hoping you were home  


Ryan’s window was dark, but Brendon knew he'd be home. He'd checked the TV guide of when his favorite movies would be on. He knew Ryan had to be home. He just wasn't home for Brendon.

_hoping this is still your phone  
_

“I know you don't care about me, Ryan, I… Pick up the phone, damn you! I'm a fucking person! Fuck you!” Brendon smashed the phone down.

_when i get lonely_  
sure, she'll do  
but you're the only you 

 

Sarah was great. Sarah was pretty, funny, and smart, and Brendon loved her, but he needed something else. And that always ended up with visions of his brown haired, soft spoken, wide smiling beauty, and his forehead tipped against the side of the shower as he sobbed through the pleasant buzz coursing through his body. Warm water splashed against his back.

_we were never very smart_  
we were sticking to our guns  
we knew we had it up, babe  
we knew we were the ones 

 

Ryan’s face peeked up through Brendon’s window and he grinned when the lanky, awkward boy fell out of his desk chair. He climbed into his room and pulled his laptop out of his bag.

“One, I burned you porn onto a disk, because you're fucking dumb and unqualified to talk to Spence about head until you see it happening-” Ryan was interrupted by Brendon’s sputtering. “Two, I got a fucking message and you will never fucking guess who it's from.”

Brendon eyed him suspiciously. “Your girlfriend?”

“Nah, your mom doesn't have MySpace.” Ryan started laughing at his own joke, and Brendon huffed. “Just let me see, dumbass!” He tried to snatch the laptop, nonchalantly flipping the disk Ryan had made him into the desk drawer. Ryan snorted.

_forever barely starts_  
and suddenly someone  
is saying all is said and done 

Brendon didn’t think he should think about Ryan until he got drunk and called him every night. Rinse and repeat.

_when i get lonely_  
sure, she'll do  
but you're the only you 

Brendon needed Sarah to keep him sane, at this point.

_i sprayed our names across the bridge_  
so the whole damn town would know  
that bridge is gone, but some recall  
that what's-his-face hearts so-and-so 

One B and an R with a heart around them aren't enough to bring Ryan back to him. It still hurt.

_and so it goes_  
and so it goes  
but when i get lonely  
sure, she'll do  
but you're the only  
when i get lonely  
i make do  
but you're the only you 

Ryan did this thing when he smiled at Brendon, and Brendon had one picture of it. One old Polaroid. His eyes crinkled around the edges, and flecks of gold shown in his beautiful brown orbs. His teeth flashed bright, and his hair was softly mussed up and ruffled. His lips were curved at the corners, and his arm was around Brendon, who was barely in the picture. The photo was frayed around the edges, and it was stowed where he would never see it again. Never. He ached, deep in his core, and it was something that wouldn't go away.

_i hear you got another boy  
i hear he looks a lot like me_

**Author's Note:**

> im tired and sick and can't wait to fucking die


End file.
